I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
