I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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