youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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