i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
