shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
