Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
