remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
