dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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