She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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