I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
