the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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