he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
