I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
