you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
