She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
