all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
