She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
