how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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