I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
