Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
