Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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