I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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