It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
