Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
