Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
