do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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