quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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