That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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