omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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