Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
