i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
