you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
