we have pet lesbian snakes
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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