I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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