I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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