Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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