Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
