I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
