Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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