apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
