For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
