i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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