clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
