How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
