there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
