Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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