that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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