I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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