I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
zippers are such a cool invention
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
