So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
