If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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