What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
