when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
