fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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