I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
