Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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