I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
