I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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