Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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