we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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