We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
