And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
