He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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