dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
As shirtless as possible
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
