are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
