i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
