So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my poor anus
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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