The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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