he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
