wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
